He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
