Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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