My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
