actually, I'm a sock model
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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