And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
