Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
