Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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