hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i will never coherently bang her
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
