nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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