why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize