Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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