i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize