Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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