Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
