Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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