I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
