You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
