How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
