How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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