he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
