I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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