im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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