This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
