in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
