yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Randomize
