I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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