I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We left the knife in your bed.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
