I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My cat gives me a boner
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
