dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Randomize
