Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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