I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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