if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
