I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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