So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
