I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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