I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
