I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
