I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
