So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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