I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
