You work out of a Hotel?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize