I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize