im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
