break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize