so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
