Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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