dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
