whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize