before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Are we still banned from the library?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
