I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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