Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
