her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
