I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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