my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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