hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
