don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize