I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
