I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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