why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I just found a bag of teeth...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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