i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
