So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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