What a fucking waste of an outfit
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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