ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Randomize
