I could have mohawked her pubes.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
