I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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