I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
