That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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