haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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