thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
