The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
