I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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