How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
