His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
