The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
