Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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