brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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