Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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