Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
