i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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