my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
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