Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
