brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
So drunk its hurt
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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