Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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