Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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