The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i think i have herpe
just one?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
